Undiluted Ramblings
by BabyStretch
Summary: A lot of Undiluted Ramblings from Marauders and Ms. BabyStretch. R&R!
1. Ramblings

Undiluted Ramblings

**

* * *

Mr Padfoot would like to ask indignantly why his map has been invaded by an alien prescence?**

Mr. Wormtail notes that the Map does not only belong to Mr Padfoot.

(Ms BabyStretch, the alien presence and authoress, disappears on a short excursion.)

Mr. Moony notes that Mr Padfoot has included an unnecessary question mark and proceeds to educate Mr Padfoot on basic grammar.

Mr Padfoot simultaneously rolls his eyes with an air of Supreme Boredom, sticks his tongue out at the over-interfering Mr. Wormtail, and winks at Mr. Prongs who, until now, has been unfairly ignored.

Mr. Prongs agrees, and puts on his dejected face.

Mr. Wormtail was, and still is, under the impression that Mr Padfoot could barely do two things at once, never mind three.

Mr Padfoot glares at Mr. Wormtail.

Mr. Moony wonders whether Mr Padfoot is really glaring at Mr. Wormtail, since he has only Mr Padfoot's word for it.

And, continues Mr. Wormtail, Mr Padfoot is known to be even more untrustworthy than Mr. Prongs.

Messrs. Padfoot and Prongs glare at Messrs. Moony and Wormtail and their phililososophophophisisisising.

Messrs. Moony and Wormtail laugh at the cross-eyed expressions of Messrs. Padfoot and Pongs, sorry, Prongs.

Mr Padfoot listens carefully, but fails to hear any laughter.

Mr. Moony rolls his eyes.

Mr. Wormtail wonders loudly whether Mr Padfoot will ever grow up or-

Mr. Moony points out that it is impossible to wonder loudly on a sheet of parchment.

Mr Wormtail wonders _loudly_ whether-

Mr Padfoot disagrees, asking how charcters speak loudly in books, then turns to Mr. Prongs to unfairly ignore him.

Mr. Prongs protests to being unfairly ignored, but no-one listens.

Mr. Wormtail wonders-

Mr Padfoot grins at Mr. Prongs.

Mr. Wormtail wonders whether Ms. BabyStretch will ever return from her 'short excursion' to set the story to writes.

Mr. Moony calmly proceeds to educate Mr. Wormtailin basic spelling.

Mr. Prongs grins at Mr Padfoot.

Mr Padfoot looks confused.

Ms. BabyStretch returns to end the story and fail to delete it from END

Ms. BabyStretch glares at Mr Padfoot and tells him that anything he would like to say can be said in another chapter.

2

Ms. BabyStretch continues to glare at Mr Padfoot until he begins a new chapter.

* * *

1 Mr Padfoot apologises for writing in footnotes but insists that he must have the last word. 

2 Mr Padfoot protests that he only wants to say-


	2. and Words

- word.


	3. My Editors

My Editors

Sirius Black, marauder and a figment of J K Rowling's imagination-

"Hey!" yelled Sirius. "I am NOT a figment of J K Rowling's imagination!"

- a figment of the author's imagination-

"Oi! I'm NOT a figment of anyone's imagination!"

- a character from a well-known story-

"The HARRY POTTER books are real life!"

Exactly.

- was-

"And I'm a REAL PERSON!"

I'll start again.

Sirius Black, marauder-

"- extraordinaire-"

- and a REAL PERSON! was browsing the internet in the aforementioned

"What sort of word is 'aforementiond'?"

A real one.

- browsing the internet in-

"And what's the internet?"

It doesn't matter.

- browsing-

"But it does matter!"

Sigh. Insert description of internet here.

- browsing the internet in the aforementioned Miss Rowling's head.

"I'm not in her head!"

Well, where are you then?

"In the wonderful world of Sirius Black!"

Don't you mean Harry Potter?

"No!"

All right, then.

Sirius Black, marauder extraordinaire-

"- loved by all girls-"

- and a REAL PERSON! was browsing the internet in the wonderful world of Harr- er, Sirius Black. His friend-

"Whose friend?"

Yours.

His friend, Remus Lupin, was nearby-

"How nearby?"

Near enough to be nearby.

"How near is that?"

Nearby.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "And is he sitting or standing?"

The author rolled her eyes. How should I know?

"You're the author!"

His friend, Remus Lupin, was nearby, reading.

"So he's probably sitting down."

So what? The author smiled sweetly.

- reading.

"Oi, Moony, pal! How are you?"

Hey! You're not supposed to say that!

"So what?" Sirius tried and failed to smile sweetly.

"-Moony, pal! How are you?"

Remus turned round and glared at Sirius. "You're not supposed to say that!" he hissed.

"No I didn't!"

Shut up, Reemie.

Reemie glared at the author. "Don't call me Reemie! Only my fans can do that!"

The author glared at Reemie.

Remus glared back.

The author glared at Reemie.

Remus' multiple female fans glared back.

Reemie turned around bewilderedly and wondered where his fans had come from.

Sirius (not Siri, despite the author's attepts to change his name) wondered where _his_ fans were and ignored Reemie's pleas for help as he was dragged away by swooning fan girls.

The author ignored Siri's desperate snatch at normality and allowed the story t crash headlong into unknown territory.

The story continued to crash headlong into unknown territory.

Peter Pettigrew entered, unnoticed by not-quite-everyone. He decided-

"- against his will-"

- to catch up on the story, so the author, always willing to help-

"Yeah, right."

- did a quick

"Really?"

- recap of the story, accompanied by unwelcome input from Sirius Black.

"Oi!"

So, where were we?

Sirius Black, marauder extraordinaire, loved by all girls-

"- with any sense, that is-"

- and a REAL PERSON! was browsing the internet in the wonderful-

"- you mean wonderfully excellently brilliant-"

- world of Ha- Sirius Black. His friend, Remus Lupin-

"- the prank-planner-"

"Why do I get all the rubbish jobs?"

- was nearby, reading. Suddenly, he-

"Who?"

Remus

"Well, you could have said so!"

Suddenly he was abducted by-

"- aliens."

- swooning fan girls. Sirius ignored this, desperately snatching at normality as the story crashed headlong into unknown territory.

Enter Peter.

"So, why the leather jacket?"

Sirius looked down and suddenly realised he was wearing a complete leather rig-out. "I don't know. You'd better ask the author, insane as she may be. It's her story, after all. Strange woman," he added in an undertone.

The author glared at Siri. You're meant to be riding your motor bike, stupid.

"Don't call me stupid!"

"Excuse me," muttered Peter- "-apologetically. I'm going on the computer."

Peter proceeded to log onto the internet and-

"- finally-"

- find interrupting the author in the process.

"Sirius!" he exclaimed, scanning the stories.

Siri drove up to Peter on his black, noisy motorbike. "What?"

"Look at this!" Peter said, then it his tongue to prevent himself laughing.

Siri paled, turned slightly green, and clicked on a random fanfic that didn't seem to be quite as worrying as the one he had just seen. This was worse.

"Hagrid loves Dobby?" he spluttered. "Who in the names of Merlin and Morgan le Fay is Dobby?" He read on. "Ah. A house elf."

Siri delicately scrolled down the list of fanfics, quietly avoiding most of them. The author noted that this was the first time Siri had been quiet for 796 days, 14 hours, 47 minutes and 12.35 seconds, and that she should show Siri some of these fanfics more often. Sirius got slightly paler.

The author leaned past Siri and changed the website he was on, having finally realised that he was not, in fact, on She, too, got the address wrong – don't you _dare _say 'How hard can it be' – and Sirius was affronted by a Remus Lupin fansite. He began to giggle, girlishly, as the newly christened 'Reemie' crept back through the door.

"I think I've managed to shake them off," he whispered. "The fan girls, I mean. Don't tell them I'm here!"

Sirius pointed out the pink hearts on the screen and sniggered.

Reemie groaned.

Peter clicked the 'back' button.

Sirius' knees began to tremble. (The author no longer needed to call him 'Siri' since she had her old 'playmate' back.) "No! Not the dreaded," he lowered his voice, "_slash fiction_…"

Peter, who _was_ a marauder, after all, grinned evilly and found the slash fiction.

Sirius trembled as Reemie read the first few paragraphs.

"What! I need an interrobang," exclaimed Reemie in al his youthful innocence. He read on.

His face grew paler.

He began to turn slightly green.

His eyes bulged.

His knees trembled.

He clutched for the mouse and clicked on a Lily-James fanfic instead.

Sirius, Peter and Reemie read it, intrigued.

The author, feeling slightly upset at being ignored, clicked the 'back' button.

Sirius and Reemie leapt into each other's arms, realised the terrifying implications of this, and hurriedly let go of each other. Sirius hit the ground with a _-thud-_

Enter James.

James looked at Sirius and Reemie on the ground and made a careful point of ignoring them.

"What happened?" he asked.

_Well_…

Sirius Black, marauder extraordinaire, loved by all girls with any sense-

"-handsome beyond belief-"

- and a REAL PERSON! was –

"-definitely NOT-"

- browsing the internet -

"-any more, after an unfortunate incident-"

- in the wonderfully excellently brilliant-

"-ly perfect -"

- world of Ha- Sirius Black. His friend, Remus Lupin-

"- the fan-girl attracter and-"

- prank planner, was nearby, reading-

"-an extremely disturbing fanfic."

Suddenly, he-

"-Remus-"

- was abducted by-

"-not aliens, but screaming and-"

- swooning fangirls. Sirius-

"-naturally, being the _KIND_ soul he is-"

"**OI! SHUT UP REEMIE!"**

- ignored this, desperately snatching at normality as the-

"-uncontrolled-"

- story crashed headlong into unknown-

"Don't you mean 'uncharted'?"

- _uncharted_ territory.

"Don't you roll your eyes at me, you prissy little authoress!"

Enter Peter.

"Hello!" He turned to Sirius. "So, why the leather jacket?"

Sirius eventually-

"OI!"

- realised he was meant to be riding his motorbike and jumped onto it, but didn't go anywhere.

Remus crept into the room, having shaken off the fan girls, and browsed the internet-

"-but not for long."

James, finally, entered the story.

All aspects of normality hurriedly left.

"What, are they scared of me or something?"

Remus rolled his eyes and jumped onto the back of Sirius' motorbike to escape the dreaded fan girls.

Sirius _didn't_ drive/fly away; he complained. "Why are you telling me what to do? Nobody tells me what to do! Why are you bossing me around? I don't like bossy peop- **_AAAAAAAARGH! NO! DON'T TOUCH THAT! STO-_**"

Remus, Sirius and the motorbike disappeared through a materialising window. There was a loud _–crash-_, a yell, a squelch and some disturbing groans. The window dematerialised.

Remus was heard to say, "Oops."

Peter and James looked lost.

Enter Lily.

"Briefly." Shut up, Sirius

She glanced at James, Peter, a battered-looking Remus climbing in through a window that hadn't been there half a minute before, and the chaos around her. Throwing her hands up in despair, she exclaimed, "Oh, what's been going on now?"

The author sneaked away quietly.

**AN: You know what to do:  
Read, then review!**

**Yeah, more bad poetry. Well?**


End file.
